When Joseph and Mary were engaged and then married, the process was far from the modern, Western custom. In the West, we usually have a courtship followed by a proposal of marriage (in Hallmark movies, always by the man on one knee). This is followed by a brief engagement period that has no legal status but only a certain social recognition of the couple’s intentions. A few months later, the couple has a wedding that legalizes their relationship. In first-century Galilee, however, there was a more formal socio-legal process.1
We have a rather full accounting in the Mishnah (the Jewish legal text), in the tractate Ketubbot (“marriage documents”), of the process for marriage in the second century C.E. In the first place, the prospective bride and groom did not choose each other; the parents chose for them. In the Mishnah, as well as in the writings of the Jewish historian Josephus, the whole thing is a business transaction. The Mishnah indicates that there were three ways for a man to “acquire” a bride: by oral agreement, by written document, and by the couple entering a room together (Qiddushin 1:1; Ketubbot 4:4).
If you are familiar with marriage practices in the Hebrew Bible, you might be surprised to find some new customs by the first century C.E. A change had taken place decades before Joseph and Mary were wed. Simeon ben Shetach, great scribe and brother of the Hasmonean queen Salome Alexandra (r. 76–67 B.C.E.), had added the rule of the ketubbah. In this ruling—not at all hinted at in the Hebrew Bible—the groom pledged a divorce or widow-settlement to be paid to the bride should the marriage dissolve.
Not only do we have a rabbinic tractate with rules for this process, but we also have marriage contracts from the period. They were discovered in caves on the west side of the Dead Sea and date from the early second century C.E. Among these documents are three marriage contracts in which the grooms promise to pay an amount of money to the bride if the marriage dissolves (one promises 400 denarii, equivalent to about $24,000), confirming that the Mishnaic regulation was in effect.
When a couple entered a marriage, the groom wrote up a document—or orally agreed—and submitted it to the bride’s family. The groom promised to pay the bride, in the event the marriage dissolved, a dissolution payment. If the family approved the contract, the couple was betrothed.
That means, if Mary and Joseph were “betrothed” (Matthew 1:18-19; Luke 1:26-27), Joseph must have had such a contract with Mary’s parents. He, or his parents, would have pledged a sum of money (the ketubbah) in the event of divorcing her later or in the event of his death.
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During the betrothal period, the exclusivity of the bride to the groom was the same as after the marriage had been consummated. The presumed situation we find in the Gospel of Matthew is supported by texts from both Philo and Josephus.2 When Joseph found that Mary was pregnant, he decided initially to “divorce” her (Matthew 1:19). For a betrothed girl to have sex with a man other than her future husband was adultery.
Although the Gospels never give ages for Mary or Joseph, these events probably happened when they were fairly young. Jewish girls were usually married off by their parents by the time they were teenagers. The rabbinic texts advise that a young girl—na‘arah, a “prepubescent girl”—should be betrothed around age 12 and married about one year later (Ketubbot 5:2). The rabbis urged parents to marry their children close to the age of puberty.
There is also artifact and textual evidence of age-at-marriage for Jewish girls in the first century C.E. A woman’s tombstone, for example, might indicate how old she was when she married. Investigation of these sources shows that most Jewish girls married between the ages of 12 and 17, with the greatest number marrying at age 13. We should probably think of Mary in that age group.
What about the boys? Again, parents preferred to marry them young. One Mishnah text recommended age 18 (Avot 5:21). Other rabbinic texts suggested around the time of puberty. We should imagine 064Joseph in the same age group as Mary.
What about the suggestion by some in the ancient church that Joseph was older than Mary and had children by a previous marriage?3 That is possible. But it need not mean Joseph was in his fifties or even older. Men married so young that Joseph in his late twenties already could have been a widower with six children (Mark 6:3).
Jewish villages in Galilee were probably endogamous. Endogamy seems to have been the norm in the Hebrew Bible (Genesis 28:2), as it is today in the Middle East. There are strong indications that in the late Second Temple period Jewish families preferred their daughters to marry either a cousin or uncle.4 Therefore, it is probable that Joseph and Mary were relatives.
About one year after the betrothal came the wedding. Local customs varied, but the basic act was carrying the bride to the groom’s house on a litter or carriage while people applauded, played music, and perhaps danced in the streets. The bride wore a “crown” of some sort. There might also have been torches or lamps carried by the procession (Matthew 25:1). Upon the bride’s arrival at the groom’s house, the groom and friends probably emerged with tambourines and drums.
No, there were no wedding bells.
There was also a wedding feast (John 2:1-10; Matthew 22:2; Matthew 25:10; Luke 12:36; Luke 14:8), given by the groom’s family, which could last a week or more. That the couple stood under a canopy (huppah) in the first century is doubtful. At some point, somebody uttered a benediction over the couple. The ceremony was a huge event, celebrated by the entire village.
Although the marriage process might not make a good Hallmark movie, we should not think that married couples did not have meaningful relationships. It would be a Western prejudice to think that only our customs produce happy marriages.
When Joseph and Mary were engaged and then married, the process was far from the modern, Western custom. In the West, we usually have a courtship followed by a proposal of marriage (in Hallmark movies, always by the man on one knee). This is followed by a brief engagement period that has no legal status but only a certain social recognition of the couple’s intentions. A few months later, the couple has a wedding that legalizes their relationship. In first-century Galilee, however, there was a more formal socio-legal process.1 We have a rather full accounting in the Mishnah (the […]
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